o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
