let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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