We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
