There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
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Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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