It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
