I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
