i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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