who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
