When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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