I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
