oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
