Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
