someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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