I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
