I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
