so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
