And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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