When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
