just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
