...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
