Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
