Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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