it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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