Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
