Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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