She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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