dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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