Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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