No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
