I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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