True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
