She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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