your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
