I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
