I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
