its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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