I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I wear drunk well.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
