Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
