I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
