11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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