see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You are the jesus of drinking
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
