Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war