I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.