Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"