Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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