Capitaan dildo arrescate!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
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im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
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At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey