So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
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I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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