And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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