I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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