that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
