my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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