Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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