Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
