Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You are the jesus of drinking
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
