In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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