Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
