the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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