3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
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I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
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Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours