his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.