Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.