I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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