just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Vodka?
Forever.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
