he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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