return my video game
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
