I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
