READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
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He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
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He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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