you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
