I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
