Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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