She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
