Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
