im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
